Psychic Wall

I've hit a wall. I can't even think clearly now. Am I once again feeling love? Maybe. Just maybe. There you go again, Mr. Heart, thank you for being such an idiot! It really hurts when I contemplate, and realize that I can't contemplate. I think I've hit a wall. A wall made of powerful Psychic Energy. But I have a different feeling from before. I don't feel desparate for answers to my questions. I'm not as distressed as before, I've gotten a hold of my emotions now. But still, my mind isn't as clear as it was months ago. Maybe because I haven't been blogging. It feels like I've been neglecting this part of me for a very long time. What can it do that friends or diaries/journals can't do? Be online to be seen by the world. The fact that I'm willing to risk my relationships with other people just to be really frank and un-backstabbing has helped get loads out of my head. But, yeah, I haven't been in this place for quite a while, I miss it.

I realize that the Psychic Wall has been put up because I have allowed myself to mingle with people like my upperclassmen, some blockmates and that's all. Now, you might think that I'm being dodgy by not naming names, but, everyone hasn't helped my Psychological growth. No, not Joy Dee, she's been quite unhelpful to this aspect of my life for some time now. Dana? No, we haven't had a serious talk in ages. The last time was that candle-lighting prayer rally of some sort a few months ago. Oh how I miss that. How I miss talking about the things that make us "tick". Right now, it's all covered with a layer of mundane and trivial things. I sure hope that I get a good, decent and fulfilling conversation during our final rites. Suddenly, I have something to get over that Psychic Wall.

It's been a little over a year since my beautiful time in the Rainbow Bridge camp. I've just been reading the stuff they posted on our e-group. Damn. My friend, Sasan can really sum up what I really feel right now, "I miss the spiritual atmosphere." Oh yes, I really do miss it. It's spiritual. I thought and thought about my life and where I stood back then. Here, no. Too many things happening. I need a place to think. Somewhere.

I haven't had any contact with Hannah for over 3 weeks. Yes, it's only Hannah now, though I still can't say that in front of her. Why, you ask? Well, if I kept it at "Miss Hannah", I would be building up a barrier. It would be hard for me to feel closer to her, ok? So that's my answer. I'm a bit worried, it might just revert to the old state of things. I don't want that! I'll keep on trying to contact her, even though I have no pressing matters to attend to. When you're friends, wanting to keep in touch is already a reason for contact.

I'm not going to back down to this wall. No one should. We all just have to make a way to overcome it.