A Single Ray of Hope
I was just about to give up on my life and was planning on starting anew, never a great idea when you're a loner. Until I checked my mobile phone.
4 missed calls
Ok. I checked to see who it was and a number came out. Great, I have no idea who you are. A few minutes later...I recieved a message from the same person, it turned out to be HER. Yes, I will keep her anonymous. Surprising, really. Who would've thought that she was trying to contact me. For that one moment in time, I felt happy. As flattered at the attention as I was, I did not forget that this was the girl who is known as the ICE QUEEN(to my knowledge, she fits the description of one). She was the girl that I really hated having a crush on, because I only see her exterior, not the real person within. I feel that, if I loved her, I would be disrespecting her, for I only loved her looks. That is why I really hate it when I get that loving feeling when I think of her. We SMSed for hours, and within that time, I had asked for forgiveness because I avoided her during our graduation ball. She knew that I was avoiding her, and she felt bored that night even though she WAS the Queen of the Night, because nobody made it memorable for her. Well, I apologized for not trying to make memorable for her.
WAIT!!!
What the-? What am I saying?! Arghhhhhh. Foolish heart, heed my warning. You've been wrong before! But in the end, it all comes down to how I play my cards, whatever happens, I should be able to contemplate on my moves. Will I end this inkling of love? Is it only an inkling? Am I lying to myself and not reading my cards right? What do I really feel? I don't know...
But right now, I am happy that it was her trying to make contact. Not me.
My Purpose
It was as clear as daylight that I have certainly changed. If it were the old me, I wouldn't know how to handle a cat-fearing person being slowly invaded by cats. Hehehehe. I'm not laughing at the person, I'm laughing because I changed! wOOt for me! I 4m t3h l33t h4xXxorz! I felt proud, for I was able to help that person, even though s/he didn't get over his/her fear of cats. That's for another time. You need a little sensitivity sometimes.
Anti-thesis
Well, I just had that frozen heart when I am with people I like. It just shows. Its inherent. I have to change. I really have to see the good and the bad and the ugly. And I have to accept that people are like that. That's what I lack, acceptance. I need to change! So much for being a changed man, I change too slow.
Ads
Well, I think I may just have found that Lodestone, that funnel, that direction I was looking for. I met an old friend, Ads, in today's fateful "Rookie Camp". Many things happened, but this HAD to be the highlight of my day(aside from 2 other MINOR highlights). I was really surprised, because I never expected to meet him. It was such a kick in the rear for me, a super flashback. What have I been doing all these years? I can't believe I just let a BIG part of my being vanish like that. Now it has reappeared, just like everything else, I don't want to lose it again. He gave me yet another reason to work real hard. I think he has a hole in his heart, but I'm not sure. I can't really tell, but I felt sad when he told me all about IT. I wish I knew what he felt. I've been such a happy little helper nowadays, I can't turn a blind eye on the problem. But, how to approach it? All these questions, I want to sleep.
Block
I have mixed feelings towards my blockmates. Some of them, I really like. Some, well, Mixed feelings. I really hate the way our blockhead acts, is it just me or is he really rude? And that COMMENT, I still haven't gotten over it. It's all I get to think about when I see her. How annoying. I want to like her, there is a part of me that does, but everytime, there is an even bigger part of me telling me that she is another one of those shallow people I so despise. All because of that COMMENT. Ugh. I have to think about this. Deep inside, the bigger question is, "Who should I go for, the Ice Queen that I think likes me(a real stretch here) or this girl that I think likes me(another stretch)?" They have pros and cons, but I really have to think, because the Ice Queen is slowly winning!
4 missed calls
Ok. I checked to see who it was and a number came out. Great, I have no idea who you are. A few minutes later...I recieved a message from the same person, it turned out to be HER. Yes, I will keep her anonymous. Surprising, really. Who would've thought that she was trying to contact me. For that one moment in time, I felt happy. As flattered at the attention as I was, I did not forget that this was the girl who is known as the ICE QUEEN(to my knowledge, she fits the description of one). She was the girl that I really hated having a crush on, because I only see her exterior, not the real person within. I feel that, if I loved her, I would be disrespecting her, for I only loved her looks. That is why I really hate it when I get that loving feeling when I think of her. We SMSed for hours, and within that time, I had asked for forgiveness because I avoided her during our graduation ball. She knew that I was avoiding her, and she felt bored that night even though she WAS the Queen of the Night, because nobody made it memorable for her. Well, I apologized for not trying to make memorable for her.
WAIT!!!
What the-? What am I saying?! Arghhhhhh. Foolish heart, heed my warning. You've been wrong before! But in the end, it all comes down to how I play my cards, whatever happens, I should be able to contemplate on my moves. Will I end this inkling of love? Is it only an inkling? Am I lying to myself and not reading my cards right? What do I really feel? I don't know...
But right now, I am happy that it was her trying to make contact. Not me.
My Purpose
It was as clear as daylight that I have certainly changed. If it were the old me, I wouldn't know how to handle a cat-fearing person being slowly invaded by cats. Hehehehe. I'm not laughing at the person, I'm laughing because I changed! wOOt for me! I 4m t3h l33t h4xXxorz! I felt proud, for I was able to help that person, even though s/he didn't get over his/her fear of cats. That's for another time. You need a little sensitivity sometimes.
Anti-thesis
Well, I just had that frozen heart when I am with people I like. It just shows. Its inherent. I have to change. I really have to see the good and the bad and the ugly. And I have to accept that people are like that. That's what I lack, acceptance. I need to change! So much for being a changed man, I change too slow.
Ads
Well, I think I may just have found that Lodestone, that funnel, that direction I was looking for. I met an old friend, Ads, in today's fateful "Rookie Camp". Many things happened, but this HAD to be the highlight of my day(aside from 2 other MINOR highlights). I was really surprised, because I never expected to meet him. It was such a kick in the rear for me, a super flashback. What have I been doing all these years? I can't believe I just let a BIG part of my being vanish like that. Now it has reappeared, just like everything else, I don't want to lose it again. He gave me yet another reason to work real hard. I think he has a hole in his heart, but I'm not sure. I can't really tell, but I felt sad when he told me all about IT. I wish I knew what he felt. I've been such a happy little helper nowadays, I can't turn a blind eye on the problem. But, how to approach it? All these questions, I want to sleep.
Block
I have mixed feelings towards my blockmates. Some of them, I really like. Some, well, Mixed feelings. I really hate the way our blockhead acts, is it just me or is he really rude? And that COMMENT, I still haven't gotten over it. It's all I get to think about when I see her. How annoying. I want to like her, there is a part of me that does, but everytime, there is an even bigger part of me telling me that she is another one of those shallow people I so despise. All because of that COMMENT. Ugh. I have to think about this. Deep inside, the bigger question is, "Who should I go for, the Ice Queen that I think likes me(a real stretch here) or this girl that I think likes me(another stretch)?" They have pros and cons, but I really have to think, because the Ice Queen is slowly winning!
posted by Moonreaver | 9:43 PM
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