The First of Many, In My Eternity
Failure. That is the word of the day. Failure. I failed. They failed.
I failed my friends in the Rainbow Bridge in Kyrgyzstan. Weren't they enough of an inspiration for me to work hard and study well and get good grades? Apparently not, since I failed so miserably, it wasn't even funny. If it wasn't funny, then why did I Laugh when I failed that test? What was so enjoyable about failing? Was it because I wasn't the only one who failed so miserably? Why would I laugh at their demise? I was not brought up to laugh at other people, unless they were really funny.
It was a defense mechanism.
I laughed because my mind just can't take anymore stress. I HAD to laugh, because I couldn't believe that I failed, again. How pathetic. After I had put on layer upon layer of coldness and impartiality over my being, after I thought that I had grown beyond my years mentally, I was nothing but a 17 year-old human through and through. How pathetic.
How pathetic!
I need to work harder. As much as I have grown, it is still not enough for the burden that I now carry. I am now not only limited to my country's problems, but to the problems of the world. It's hard bearing this burden, but that is the only way. Don't get me wrong, many other people in this world carry the same burden, but they are way better off than me. My burden is a lot harder to carry because of my surroundings. The people passing by, the people you see everyday. Most of them fail to see the big picture.
One man's treasure is another man's trash
It was very painful for me to see peers laughing at my treasured items. Just this morning, two of them noticed my necklaces. The first necklace was a charm made from clay(I think), they laughed at it. I bet they didn't believe that it was from Kyrgyzstan. And then they noticed my pin, it came from Ola. She was a very sweet girl, very happy. She gave me hope for the future generation. They disrespected it, taking every fact that I have said as if I was a special child. And then there was the Obsidian cross given to me by Anush. They wanted to arbor it. THE NERVE! How dare they ask something like that to me? Maybe its this generation. Maybe that is why they act like that. Skin-deep sympathy. But who am I to judge? Didn't I swear that I would bring peace to this planet?
This Generation
This generation...why do I have to fall in love with girls of this generation? There has only been very few that have really shown me the promise of forever. The others seem to be girls for playboys. Hell, this is college! This is where it gets serious! C'mon! Aren't you mature already? Geez. I really want to find the one. The one that doesn't have a boyfriend. The one. The one that I love. The one that I'll love, even though she's not the same person I fell in love with. The one that I'll be most happy to let go, as long as it will make her even happier. This kind of mindset will make me a freakin' bachelor. If this is the generation that the one will come from, then I will search for her, silently, but never will I pass up a chance to see if one person is for real. She may be the one.
For Real
Nobody believes that I am for real. None of my new blockmates think that I am the man that I am. They think it's just an act, all of it. From my passion for dance, to my theory of life and love. It's all an act. I'm just a show-off. I just want to impress the girls. Yadyadayada. Stuff like that makes me want to kill myself. I live for the people of this planet. If they do not need me, then I should just die, for there is no other reason for me to exist and live. I used to think that my classmates in highschool were from a different generation because I was born a year before most of them. They have different views in life. Who would have thought that it was I who was from some ancient generation. I was the odd man out. I was the wrong in their world. Somehow, being with them made their world a lot harder to live in. My ideals were for real, but in their world, they were not to be.
Well, there you go. That's what I have in my mind currently. It's up to you to decide if I am for real or not.
I failed my friends in the Rainbow Bridge in Kyrgyzstan. Weren't they enough of an inspiration for me to work hard and study well and get good grades? Apparently not, since I failed so miserably, it wasn't even funny. If it wasn't funny, then why did I Laugh when I failed that test? What was so enjoyable about failing? Was it because I wasn't the only one who failed so miserably? Why would I laugh at their demise? I was not brought up to laugh at other people, unless they were really funny.
It was a defense mechanism.
I laughed because my mind just can't take anymore stress. I HAD to laugh, because I couldn't believe that I failed, again. How pathetic. After I had put on layer upon layer of coldness and impartiality over my being, after I thought that I had grown beyond my years mentally, I was nothing but a 17 year-old human through and through. How pathetic.
How pathetic!
I need to work harder. As much as I have grown, it is still not enough for the burden that I now carry. I am now not only limited to my country's problems, but to the problems of the world. It's hard bearing this burden, but that is the only way. Don't get me wrong, many other people in this world carry the same burden, but they are way better off than me. My burden is a lot harder to carry because of my surroundings. The people passing by, the people you see everyday. Most of them fail to see the big picture.
One man's treasure is another man's trash
It was very painful for me to see peers laughing at my treasured items. Just this morning, two of them noticed my necklaces. The first necklace was a charm made from clay(I think), they laughed at it. I bet they didn't believe that it was from Kyrgyzstan. And then they noticed my pin, it came from Ola. She was a very sweet girl, very happy. She gave me hope for the future generation. They disrespected it, taking every fact that I have said as if I was a special child. And then there was the Obsidian cross given to me by Anush. They wanted to arbor it. THE NERVE! How dare they ask something like that to me? Maybe its this generation. Maybe that is why they act like that. Skin-deep sympathy. But who am I to judge? Didn't I swear that I would bring peace to this planet?
This Generation
This generation...why do I have to fall in love with girls of this generation? There has only been very few that have really shown me the promise of forever. The others seem to be girls for playboys. Hell, this is college! This is where it gets serious! C'mon! Aren't you mature already? Geez. I really want to find the one. The one that doesn't have a boyfriend. The one. The one that I love. The one that I'll love, even though she's not the same person I fell in love with. The one that I'll be most happy to let go, as long as it will make her even happier. This kind of mindset will make me a freakin' bachelor. If this is the generation that the one will come from, then I will search for her, silently, but never will I pass up a chance to see if one person is for real. She may be the one.
For Real
Nobody believes that I am for real. None of my new blockmates think that I am the man that I am. They think it's just an act, all of it. From my passion for dance, to my theory of life and love. It's all an act. I'm just a show-off. I just want to impress the girls. Yadyadayada. Stuff like that makes me want to kill myself. I live for the people of this planet. If they do not need me, then I should just die, for there is no other reason for me to exist and live. I used to think that my classmates in highschool were from a different generation because I was born a year before most of them. They have different views in life. Who would have thought that it was I who was from some ancient generation. I was the odd man out. I was the wrong in their world. Somehow, being with them made their world a lot harder to live in. My ideals were for real, but in their world, they were not to be.
Well, there you go. That's what I have in my mind currently. It's up to you to decide if I am for real or not.
posted by Moonreaver | 9:00 PM
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