Closure

Yes, my friends, closure is at hand. No. It has already closed. That closure I was talking about a week ago, was, well, resolved in a way that not even I could have imagined.

Wednesday was that day. I didn't know how it happened, but it just did. Miss Hannah was there. We talked, but the difference was, I didn't initiate the conversation. I wanted to ignore her, but instead, she was the one who called out to me. I had to talk to her, even though I swore to never try to patch things up. So we talk, it was so casual. I couldn't bear that, so I told her my pain. I poured it all out, all that frustration, all that sadness. She got hurt, as expected, but then she said something I never predicted anyone would say.

"I don't know where this is going." "If you want to hold grudges, that's fine by me"

Kapow. What a slap to the face that was. She said it loud and clear, at that moment, she suddenly became somebody I didn't know. Here I was saying all those harsh things to her and all my sadness about trying to rebuild but working alone and stuff, and she tells me that she doesn't understandwhy I'm telling her all this. She only knows that I'm hating her at that moment. At that moment, I was a silly child. Really, I felt stupid after she said that. Why was I so worked up? Why was I angry? Suddenly, I realized that I was angry at nothing. That I was taking all of my anger and frustrations out on her behalf, on our friendship's behalf. Those lines made me stop for a moment. It told me that she was VERY angry at me, too. At that moment, something came over me. An impulse. I didn't want her to hate me! I didn't want to lose her. When push came to shove, I never really wanted her out of my life. I didn't want her to hate me. At that time, I turned from a raving madman to a scared child. She showed me a side of her that I have rarely seen, that side that told me, "Hey, I'm older than you, so I know a lot more than you." She was wiser, she has always been wiser and more contemplative than me.

After that, I let all that anger go, for I knew what was more important to me. And I asked her if I was her friend.

Yes, I still am her friend.

Thank You, Miss Hannah, for being yourself. But I won't lie to you, you are my first love after all, so yes, I DO still love you. But I know that you don't want to hear that from me, so yes, I'll just keep to myself but I'll be truthful whenever I'm asked who I love. No, I'm not that scared of falling in love anymore, but I don't want to freak you out by confessing and then getting all clingy, a friend told me her experience with such a person and then I realized I was no different. But yeah, I'll say those words, because I can and because they are true. Please bear with me.

Hannah, I LOVE YOU.



P.S. ehehehe, I'll get to that story very soon, I promise it to be heart-wrenching!