The Surrounding Darkness
Haha. So much for that ray of light, that glimmer of hope for my salvation. I am as lost as a man in the desert without a compass. The searing heat, the freezing cold. All of that I suffer alone. I may not be redeemable anymore, I can't pick myself up. What am I doing in my life? Why do I waste countless hours happy, when inside I have problems that need immediate attention. I need to clean up my act. I need to rebuild myself.
It is very painful to note that I have not been able to be any good use to my block. It's my freakin' nature, to be cold towards those who warm up to me. It's my damn friggin' nature. How annoying. I am belittled. My physical and mental abilities are belittled. How dare they laugh at my comment on Tennis being the tiring sport? They do not know anything about me and my wounded knees. Concluding that that was the reason why I took bridge. Are they implying that I am not athletic? The nerve. People who do know me would say otherwise, but they know that I can't keep my stamina up for too long. This generation really, really is testing my nerves. I am about to break, and it feels inevitable. It was never my aim to impress, but when they start to underrate me, then that is a different story.
The clouds are looming ahead. Dark clouds. Cumulo-nimbus clouds. They will bring rain. They will bring strong winds. They will bring houses down. I am not even a house, what chance do I have to withstand the forthcoming downpour? Slowly, sad, depressed and separatist thoughts are manifesting themselves into my mind. I can't seem to find the light. I don't even want to ask for help. I need it. Help. I need it, now. Moonreaver, do yourself a favor and ask for help. Speak your mind, just like what you preach to the other people. You can do that much. To that extent, you can do it all alone. Remove all the doubts and risk your dignity once more. But what if they don't sympathize? What if they can't fathom the problems that you face? It does not matter. Even if they do not listen, just go on and tell them. Isn't that how you live, through confrontation? What kind of ideal is that if you can't apply it to everybody?
Things are falling apart, but I must live still. Even though it is broken down, I can still live on. My mission is not yet accomplished. They are part of my mission, too. I cannot give up. I must not.
My longtime "love" problem has been resolved. After it had gnawed me and spat me out again and again. Yup, I felt that I was just a simple chew toy, being played around by this puppy. I can't believe that I believed that I had a chance. As usual, I lent an open ear and a hopeful heart. I was dismayed. Very, very much dismayed with her. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it and yet I fell for it. I knew it and yet I clung to an illusion of a dream of a hope that I thought I had. I can't believe myself. But i do know one thing, if she ever wants me, she will not be recieved. Ever again.
That's my little patch of darkness for now, have fun with your lives, I will make sure that you do.
It is very painful to note that I have not been able to be any good use to my block. It's my freakin' nature, to be cold towards those who warm up to me. It's my damn friggin' nature. How annoying. I am belittled. My physical and mental abilities are belittled. How dare they laugh at my comment on Tennis being the tiring sport? They do not know anything about me and my wounded knees. Concluding that that was the reason why I took bridge. Are they implying that I am not athletic? The nerve. People who do know me would say otherwise, but they know that I can't keep my stamina up for too long. This generation really, really is testing my nerves. I am about to break, and it feels inevitable. It was never my aim to impress, but when they start to underrate me, then that is a different story.
The clouds are looming ahead. Dark clouds. Cumulo-nimbus clouds. They will bring rain. They will bring strong winds. They will bring houses down. I am not even a house, what chance do I have to withstand the forthcoming downpour? Slowly, sad, depressed and separatist thoughts are manifesting themselves into my mind. I can't seem to find the light. I don't even want to ask for help. I need it. Help. I need it, now. Moonreaver, do yourself a favor and ask for help. Speak your mind, just like what you preach to the other people. You can do that much. To that extent, you can do it all alone. Remove all the doubts and risk your dignity once more. But what if they don't sympathize? What if they can't fathom the problems that you face? It does not matter. Even if they do not listen, just go on and tell them. Isn't that how you live, through confrontation? What kind of ideal is that if you can't apply it to everybody?
Things are falling apart, but I must live still. Even though it is broken down, I can still live on. My mission is not yet accomplished. They are part of my mission, too. I cannot give up. I must not.
My longtime "love" problem has been resolved. After it had gnawed me and spat me out again and again. Yup, I felt that I was just a simple chew toy, being played around by this puppy. I can't believe that I believed that I had a chance. As usual, I lent an open ear and a hopeful heart. I was dismayed. Very, very much dismayed with her. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it and yet I fell for it. I knew it and yet I clung to an illusion of a dream of a hope that I thought I had. I can't believe myself. But i do know one thing, if she ever wants me, she will not be recieved. Ever again.
That's my little patch of darkness for now, have fun with your lives, I will make sure that you do.
posted by Moonreaver | 8:49 PM
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