The Eternity I Wished For

No. It didn't come true. None of my wishes ever come true anymore. In the Event that they do, they aren't what I expected them to be. But come to think of it, what kind of eternity did I wish for? Did I ever wish for something to last forever? I remember nothing. I do not know if I can ever decide what to do in my life right now. I keep saying, "Go on! You musn't give up!" But I can't do what I tell others to do. Am I angry? Maybe. Maybe I'm scared. No. I'm definitely scared. I just can't go on, singing that same old song, acting that same old way, losing that same old fight. I can't leave and start anew. That's why I chose to take Hapon 10-11. I wanted to finally learn all about Nihongo. To find some closure in my life. And that is why I must change and overcome those obstacles. I have to reshape the world, my world. Closure, just like what I have done to a very important part of my life.

Apology

My Dearest, those times
I spent with you, great memories all.
Serene and happy we were back then,
So how come, it had to end at all?

How were you able to withstand that storm
Alone, while they scorned our bond?
Not once did you leave me
Not once did I face them
And told them they were mistaken, I
Hid from you and proved them right.

I did not know of your strength back then.
My life was saved by the person I swore to protect.

Steadfast and true, you were always there
Outside in that storm for our friendship
Risking your fame and dignity. While I
Ran away. I know now that was wrong.
You must have been hurt when you

Saw me retreat when you approached. It was
Obvious that I forgot what friends are for.

Vast distances I traversed to avoid you.
Enveloping myself in the belief that it will save us both.
Ruined, our friendship was when we left.
Years have passed and yet, you resound in my mind.

So if I loved you now, would you accept me still?
Out of the blue, I bridged the gap, hoping that you too would
Rebuild it. I worked alone. The
Reality is, I am not part of your new world.
You are lost to me.



...........................



Shizuku. Silence. Silencio. With that final note, I say my good-byes and hope for the very best in your life, my dearest friend. I can never forget, but I will try to bear the pain always. I know you don't bear that pain, nor that wound.

Surely, most of my posts are filled with sadness and all that, but that is what I need to let go of. Happy moments in the present? There maybe, but all link to some painful event in the past. Why, just today, one of my sempai looked an awful lot like the Ice Queen. It really hurts me to see a semblance of that face, for I don't want to think about her. That Ice Queen is really a lot worse than me at saying things directly. Hehehe. I'm looking for a new one. It ain't funny, but I guess it is stupid and ridiculous.

So far, I only have nothing to look forward to, but I continue living. Hehe. Maybe next time, I'll post a story.